Wedding Stress (*and how to avoid it!)

Let’s be honest, weddings are ace. I mean, they a just a massive party with family and friends getting together in a beautiful place with fabulous food, (some free) booze and maybe a Band or a DJ playing music late into the night.

But that’s not all weddings are – they are also about you guys getting married – taking a legal step to bind your lives together for the rest of your lives. It’s a solemn and dignified ceremony that is enshrined in law and often heavy religious significance – they join to become one in the eyes of the law and their god. It doesn’t get bigger than this!

And they do it in front of pretty much everyone who knows them!

And then there is the cost! Thousands to hire a venue, more for food and drink, flowers, the Registrars, the dress, suits, décor, entertainment, the photographer…it doesn’t come cheap, and YOU have to organise all this. It’s like building a house or HS2, or something, with little experience in project management and it all involves…other PEOPLE.
Vendors don’t return your calls, or put the right info on their webpages, or don’t use email, or write things down for you, or set meetings and don’t turn up.

Basically, when you're trying to organise something, it can really test your patience with family and friends. They might think they're being helpful, but either they don’t respond to your invites, or they overwhelm you with ideas and suggestions, constantly saying, "Oh, I wouldn’t do it like that…" or they just talk over you.

There is also the mum who is vicariously reliving HER wedding day through yours…and just takes over so it’s no longer your wedding day, it’s hers…or there is the self-imposed anxiety of making sure everything is perfect and how you wanted it to be and being a control freak or being so relaxed that nothing happens.

In my 7 years as a Shropshire wedding photographer, I have seen pretty much everything, from the laid-back ad hoc bride who says ‘we’ll wing it on the day’ (nightmare) through to bridezilla who wants to control everything to the minute worrying that ‘it’s 6:32, the band said they would arrive and set up at 6:30…’ (also a nightmare).

So, it is right that whilst a wedding day IS the happiest day of your lives and will bring joy, the actual planning and putting it into action will also bring multiple tsunamis of emotions that will send you from happiness and accomplishment through to anxiety, worry and stress.

Pre-wedding stress and wedding day worry are perfectly normal though. And can be something to laugh and joke about, but can feel crushing from the inside. You might feel alone and unsupported ‘doing everything yourself’ or alternatively you could feel swept along and out of control, unable to find the words to express how you feel to a well-meaning loved one.

And then commitment. What IS love? Do you really, really,reallylove that other person to spend your entire life with them? Will the marriage last? Do we have enough money to build the life together that we both want? Does he want the same things as me? Does she want the same future as I do?

Stressy.

Yikes. I have just read this back and thought why do people even get married? Why do we make such a…a…fuss over something like this? I mean, it’s just a bit of paper, isn’t it?

If you are reading this on your phone or laptop in the living room with your significant other sitting over there in the comfy chair, take a quick look at them. THAT is why you are doing it. They are annoying. They play FIFA to late into the night, or moan about the toilet seat being left up, or drive badly, but, just think about how good it feels when you arrive home from work and they have already started dinner. Or the fun when you are dancing around the kitchen whist cooking together. Or the way their hand feels in yours when you are walking alongside each other. Or how safe you feel when you hug them. Or how when you look at them over there in the comfy chair and you are on the sofa, it just feels like home.

THAT is why you are getting married. You want those feeling to last forever. You know they will and you know they are the one who will make you happy forever, despite maybe a bounce or bump along the road.

But back to wedding planning.

Yeah, stressy. All those worrisome feelings are inevitable when making such a life changing commitment. And chuck in the cost – it is as sure as night follows day that you are going to get anxious about things going right.

This is where practising self-care and asking for the right help comes in. Getting the RIGHT people around you who make things easier for you is the number one rule. And some of these people you can chose.

Your wedding vendors are the most obvious choices that you can make. Pick ones that make you feel the right way, not who are just the cheapest. I know money and budgets are important, but sometimes it is worth paying that tiny bit more for the one who makes you feel they are the right person, over someone who is the cheaper, but gives you a tiny bit of worry. Do they reply to your messages promptly? Do they seem confident? Are they offering what you need, not just what you want? Do they seem like they are in it just for the cash, or to provide a service for you? When you talk to them, and you should actually talk to them not just email or message, do they give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? If so, they are the ones you should be picking to be supplying your wedding services.

Otherwise, that stress that is on you? Well, get the people involved who have strengths that match the requirements. Pick people who you trust to do things for you to share the load. And don’t be afraid to tell your partner to step up! Delegation is the key; let some others make decisions and let them have ownership to save you trying to catch every ball.

Your day doesn’t have to be perfect. One of the most memorable weddings I photographed, pretty much everything went wrong, from torrential rain all day and the inside alternative not being big enough for all the guests, the food van being late, the bar having no signal for their contactless machine, one of the band’s cars crashing outside the venue…it went on…but it all became part of the story of the day, and it became a running joke over what else could go wrong.

But. At the end of the day, the bride and groom were now husband and wife, a meal had been eaten, wine and beer had been drunk, a party had been had, and everyone had still had a good time.

Remember, if you are getting caught up in perfectionism then what is the most important thing…can you plan for everything? No. DO you have to control and organise everything? No.

It’s about empowering people to make decisions – because any decision made is better than no decision. It’s about letting go, just enough so you get to enjoy yourself.

Fill your wedding planning world with family and friends who help. Who understand you. Who you have told what your vision for the day is. They will support you, because they love you and respect you and most of all want you to have the best day.

And, like I said, do that with your vendors too. I always ask a couple what their plans are and then I work with the couple to fit into them. That is what our pre-wedding meeting is all about! But I also do a mini version of that when you are booking me. It’s vitally important that we click, because I am going to be in your wedding day lives the most out of all your vendors. If you want natural pictures of all of the story of your day, not just the good bits, then you need to trust me and be relaxed around me and that is down to me to work my hardest to do. Not you.

Whilst planning a wedding is filled with stress, chaos, and perfectionist pressures, the key is to focus on what truly matters—the love you share and the support of those around you family, friends and the right vendors who make life easier for you. All these things will ensure the day is a celebration, not a performance.

Make sure you get a head start with your wedding planning by booking a wedding photographer who is there for you - not just on the day of your wedding but before, during AND after your wedding day; but don’t just listen to what I say - here’s an actual quote from an actual bride of mine:

We hired Alex for our wedding in February and couldn't be happier with the results! Everything from booking, having a pre-shoot, the actual wedding, and getting the pictures back was really smooth and stress-free. All of the pictures are beautiful, and Alex sent over a sneak peek (and then the full album) SUPER fast, which was awesome.

Jen

You can book me for £1250 for a full day’s photography and we can Ban Boring Photos together!